Thursday, January 10, 2013

Life Goes On....

Now that the holiday festivities are over, normal, everyday life resumes.  The year was brightened by a surprise call from Pauline, who was visiting her son and family in New Hampshire.  It was wonderful to talk with her and; of course, you can't really catch up in a mere phone call, but we did a pretty good job.  She and Phil visited years ago when I lived on the island and we had a great time.....all good memories.  Needless to say, a lot has happened (life!!) in the meantime, but we had no trouble picking up where we left off.  It was great and I'm so pleased she thought of me in this New Year.

I had no sooner posted the New Year's message when I ran across the following, which I like as much.....
"To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion, to be worthy, not respectable and wealthy, not rich; to study hard, think quietly, talk gently, act frankly; to bear all cheerfully, do all bravely, await occasions, hurry never. In other words, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common."
- Bruce Lee to his fiancé 1963
As you know, I enjoy quotes and am frequently surprised by inspiring quotes from those you would not Bruce Lee. This is not the first touching one I've come across by him, and other surprises include Albert Einstein and Mohammad Eli, to name just a few.  I guess it only goes to show how we pigeon-hole people, without really seeing the other facets of their lives.

Amidst putting Christmas decorations away and doing all other activities of normal life, I joined a friend, Thea, for lunch.  We met at the Boathouse, home of my Living Liberally group, which I haven't met with in ages. The day was dark and rainy, so it was nice to have something enjoyable planned.....and it was good to be with a friend.  As we were ordering, six ladies from my synagogue days came in and it was like old home week.  Several came over to say hello and we stopped by their table later as we we leaving.  I always enjoy running into friends from that period, as one does from good times past.

No good deed/time goes unpunished.  On the home front, we've had days and days of silence.  The only thing worse than the silence and misery has been the arguing!  It has been savage and mean-spirited.  I really hate these times.  I think I handle things well MOST of the time, but something always comes along, sooner or later, that suckers me in......and once I start venting, it isn't over til it's all out.  I hate it when I say cruel things that I don't mean and, in saner moments, would never say..  And part of my personal motivation is wanting to look back with not a lot of regrets, so I really let myself down in these times.......and I know they are hurtful to Mama (as she is hurtful to me).  It really is a toxic environment and serves neither of us well.   So, I've been talking to myself a lot, trying to devise a mindset that will help me through these difficult days.  Nothing is fool-proof, but anything that helps is appreciated.

This whole episode has motivated me......I'm looking into a reverse mortgage on her home, which might allow her to go back home and have the care and supervision she needs.  Due to her age and health problems, that isn't really looking like a viable option.  I've also contacted Carole, who has stayed with Mama in the past and whom she likes, to set up a weekly gig.  That would give me a block of time each week to run errands, get together with friends, etc.  I haven't done this earlier because I didn't feel that I needed it every week, but this has shown me that I do......if it is only to go sit by the May River on a nice day!  

There was one day when I just went to my room and lay down, something I never do.  I didn't really go to sleep, but I lay there for a couple of hours to just be quiet and calm.  From there I cleaned both walk-in closets, weeding out four or five bags of clothes.  Believe me, there could have been twice that many.......I've hung all of the hangers backwards and as I wear things I'll hang them in the forward position.  When I clean again, it will be easy to spot the items that have not been worn.  It was something I've wanted to do for a long time and just couldn't face, so now it's over.......just wish the motivation had been more positive!!

I've also contracted to have the carpets in the bedrooms replaced sometime around the 23rd or 24rd of this month.  It is long overdue and will certainly look and smell better, assuming Smokey doesn't decide he needs to mark it again!
So, life goes on.....whether we're having a good time or not!  I'll leave you with a little vegetarian humor..