Breathing Easier

Took Smokey over for a visit.

With each passing day, I'm feeling more comfortable with the decision to place my mother in a facility.  It's wonderful to come home to a quiet, peaceful, calm house and to be able to relax, as one should in their own home.  Thus far we have both also been able to be more caring and patient with one another......it's much easier when not being bombarded with anger and frustration 24/7.  My mother has had two minor meltdowns.....one last Wednesday and Thursday when (I think) it finally sank in where she is and that she's been there a while with no mention of going home. But, suddenly Thursday afternoon  she got out of bed and carried on.  Today I went over right after lunch and she was angry (with the staff) because she wanted to take chicken from her plate to feed Smokey (her cat) and they wouldn't let her put it in her pocket and take it to her room.  She accused them of being rude.  If Dr. Phil were to ask my mother whether she would rather be happy or be right, my mother would choose "right" every time.....and add to that, have the last word!  So, when she wouldn't let it go, I left......and returned to my tranquil home!  I went back before dinner, got her out of bed and we sat outside a bit.  She was hungry (didn't eat lunch), not very talkative and in a world of her own.  I did all I could to prepare her for dinner, a good night's sleep and a better day tomorrow.  She tried to lay guilt and I didn't bite (and the staff she was angry with had already gone home)....so I hope she had a good dinner and will start tomorrow on a better note.

A frame for my mother.

I know many of you thought I should have done this a long time ago, but I know myself well enough to know that I will reach a point beyond which I will not go.....and I'm okay with reaching that point because I also know that I've done as much as I could do.  The stroke was the point that I knew I was out of my depth and needed help. In any case, I do appreciate your support and concern...it helped me get to "The point".... Thanks for hanging with me so long.

No sooner had I gotten my mother settled than I came down with the sinus infection from hell.  I've had minor sinus problems in the past, usually relieved by an over-the-counter medication.  This was nothing like that!  I felt crummy for a few days and then on Friday night it all seemed to settle on the left side of my face......giving a whole new meaning to "so ugly it hurts"!  The bones in my face, the inside of my mouth, even my teeth hurt..  I was in pain all night and by 8:45AM of Saturday morning I was in line at the local urgent care facility.  The doctor prescribed a Z-pack and prednisone but, even hitting it with that, it took 7-8 days to clear. There were days when I could only eat cold soup and the afternoons were spent in bed. I never knew sinuses could do that....and I hope I never experience it again.

Other than that, I've been getting back into my walking routine and connecting with friends.  Our weather has been beautiful and it's wonderful to be able to enjoy it. Due to the sinus infection, I had to cancel lunch plans with Sharon, but we've reschedule for this week.  Janeen and I will be having breakfast together tomorrow, and I hope to see Thea and Cheryl next week.  There is also so much around the house that needs to be done.....and, as I told Janeen, I'm having a hard time focusing.  I'm so accustomed to going from one wildfire to another, with no chance to plan or anticipate, that I find it's now difficult to tackle something that requires forethought and persistence.  Once I've caught up with friends, I hope I can develop "a plan" to tackle some things around the house.

So, overall I feel much less stressed.  The ideal scenario would be that my mother come to terms with her situation and make the most of each day.....but, to be honest, that isn't her nature and there isn't a lot I can do about it.  I will be there for her in whatever way I can, but I am so thankful to have my own space again!

A little pooch humor.