More Then You Ever Want to Know......

Rather than boring you with my ongoing saga, I’d like to tell you about my daily walk.  Over time it’s evolved into a daily routine and a valued break from the mundane trials of each day.  When I worked full time, I could never make myself exercise after work – it was like adding punishment to punishment.  Once I retired, I realized that I was in good health; I ate well, but the only way I was really letting myself down was in not exercising.  So, I set about to correct that.
 

My first goal was to walk about a mile as often as I could, beginning with an every-other-day routine.  As I ventured out, I came in contact with other community residents who walked, ran or exercised their dogs.  The dog walkers were the easiest to get to know – just comment on their walking companion and the door is opened!  My biggest surprise was that some/many people would pass me by without even an acknowledgement.  I’m not sure how I grew up this way, but I wouldn’t think of passing someone on the street without eye contact, a smile, a nod or something.  Of course, that’s different if you’re on a city street with lots of passers-by, but in your own community don’t you think you could manage a nod???  Anyway, I took it upon myself to loosen up the hood!  I spoke to everyone I passed and waved at passing cars – not really a wave, more a “throw up my hand”, as we say in the South.  No good deed goes unpunished!  As the years have passed, my one hour walk can now take 15 to 20+ minutes longer, depending upon whom I may run into.  Neighbors in cars, many of whom I don’t know by name, will now wave or toot their horns; and, if I miss a day or two, people want to know where I’ve been and if things are okay.  It really has taken on a life of its own.

As time has passed, I’ve expanded my range and routes.  My average is about 3.5 mile a day (averaging 80+ miles a month) and my best monthly record is having only missed three days out of the month.  I’ve gone from going around in a short circle to having several longer routes. 

• When I take a right turn out of my driveway, I go around the circle (which was my first, short route) and out the back gate.  At the end of that road, I can turn around and come back or keep going to the Kroger shopping center, walking around the perimeter.

o   On this route I’ve discovered where my neighbor feeds the feral cats that live behind the shopping center – and where I’ve seen the raccoon steal food!  Now I know why they’re masked – they’re bandits!

o   I’ve also gotten to know Truffles the cat, who resides beside Truffles restaurant and is fed by the restaurant and the yogurt shop.  Not a dumb kitty!  She’s a beautiful girl and the lady at the yogurt shop would like to take her home, but Ms. Truffles likes the situation as it is.

o   I’ve also gotten to know one of the ladies at the independent living facility who also likes to walk down our shaded back road.

Sometimes I just do this as my walk.  Other times I go to the bank, pick up something at Kroger……or stop and have yogurt with Ms. Truffles.

• When I take a left turn out of my driveway, I walk to the end of the street (about a mile) and then come back and walk to the front gate and then back home again. 
• It’s on this route that I’ve met a neighbor from North Carolina who has also dealt with an aging mother and is sympathetic to my situation.

•  Or, I walk up toward the front gate, turn left and go into an adjoining neighborhood.  I call this my “Where the Wild Things Are” walk, with the wild things being turkeys (and the millipedes).  Even growing up in the country, I never realized how pretty turkeys are.  I’d only seen them from a distance, where they appeared like large buzzards, or bald and buttery on the table.  Up close, their plumage is beautiful and it’s great to see the Toms puff up and display it all.  I can see why Ben Franklin thought they might be a better symbol for America than the Bald Eagle.

• And sometimes, if I have a purpose, I venture out of the neighborhood entirely.  If there is something (small) to pick up, I may walk to Target, Dollar Tree, Staples, etc.  I now have the range and distance to go to the library or the Post Office, and it’s satisfying to have a purpose……though my neighbors probably think I’m nuts!

Walking really is a relaxing and energizing activity and I enjoy the solitude of it.  It’s also amazing how much one notices on foot that would be missing if passing in a car.…..flora and fauna of every description: birds, squirrels, turtles, alligators, raccoons, feral cats, and so on.  The interesting thing is that I began to see patterns, like the gray squirrels are prevalent, but there is one area that belongs to the fox squirrels.  There is even an area that has an abundance of millipedes!  And I love seeing the worn archways through the thickets, some small for racoons, possums and feral cats, and others large enough for deer.  My favorite sightings are of raccoons (once coming straight down the side of a huge pine tree and into the nearby thicket, and another time stealing cat food) and once an otter!  There is always something of interest.

I’m not really surprised by these revelations.  Many years ago in San Diego I participated in a group called Walkabouts.  Like most groups I “join”, it was loosely organized and you could participate when you wanted to, without having to “commit” to a rigid routine.  Members would organize walks, usually with themes – I remember one being through a cemetery where several famous people (authors) were buried, another up Black’s Beach (nudist) to a restaurant in Carlsbad for lunch and then back again.  Others had architectural themes and some were just in beautiful areas for the sheer pleasure of the scenery.  I remember the surprise of “seeing” so much and am happy to be able to discover it again.  It does add to my appreciation of all that is available to us if we just stop and take notice.

She's Ba-ack!

Yes, the "other mother" has taken up residence again, just in time for the Mother's Day from Hell.  It hasn't been pretty.  I had hoped and planned to take her to NC for Mother's Day weekend but, as when the offer was made previously, she didn't want to go unless she could stay.  There were a lot of tears, threats and accusations (I don't care about her or what she wants, she's sacrificing everything and I'm sacrificing nothing, etc.) for days leading up to our departure. I got everything ready for the trip and wrongly assumed that when it came down to it, she would be happy to be home, even if for a short while.  On the day we were to leave, she slept in until 10AM and came out with the same attitude, and I knew that I couldn't deal with four hours of that in an enclosed car.  I just said we'd try again at a time we could both enjoy it.  I wasn't proud of myself, but I'd definitely reached my limit.  Needless to say, it's been chilly around here since.  I did take her out to breakfast on Mother's Day, but it was quiet and cheerless.  Things are thawing a bit, but I'm about tapped out.  I've accepted the fact that there is nothing I can do that will be enough or right or acceptable.  I guess when that really sinks in, it will make the process easier........I certainly hope so!

This is what happens when I try to remove cat hair from comforter!

Both my mother and I had doctor's appointments this week.....mine was with my new doctor.  This is the kicker - my blood pressure was higher than my mother's!!  I have NEVER had a problem with my blood pressure, though I am at the age that anything can happen.  When the doctor asked if I had any ideas, changes, etc that might account for it, I explained the situation.  She said, "I can't believe I met you....I have exactly the same situation!"  She's an only child, discontented, ailing mother in Pennsylvania, etc.  She agreed to that likely being the source of the high BP, but I still have to record it for several weeks and report back.  It did make me realize that for my own well-being things need to be different.


Life is made easier by the support and company of friends.

How many cats fit on a sofa table?

•  If Cheryl and I keep meeting at the Subway at the corner of Hwy 278 and I-95, people are going to start talking!   I'm just glad it's convenient for a quick get-together as she travels to and from her sister's.  
• Pamela and I try to get together once a week as she is going through much the same thing as I, except her mother has actually called the police on her!  We went to the beach last week and out to lunch today.
• Yesterday I received a wonderful care package from my friends Down Under, Alan and Mairead.  It was chock full of goodies and could not have arrived at a better time to provide a boost to my morale. I was really touched by their thoughtfulness.
• It's just nice to hear from friends, near and far, who say via phone or email, "haven't heard from you in a while.  How are things going?"  It provides that nudge I need not to go into total seclusion!

Not everything has been doom and gloom.  Our weather (here I go again!) has been stuck in the 80s for weeks and its been fantastic for almost anything one would want to do.  We're all dreading the day when that first number will be 9.

In the midst of all the drama,  I've had a security system installed.  There have been a lot of break-ins in the neighborhood, including one family I know.  They were actually at home, sleeping, when they were broken into, which would be totally unsettling.  So, I finally did it, after noticing some suspicious activity here.  One night around 3:30AM I was awakened by my mother's cat growling and screeching.  I went to the sunroom where he was, turned on the outside light, and there was a masked, furry, fat raccoon helping himself to my birdseed.  He didn't budge until I tapped on the glass. The funny thing was that he had removed the top of the plastic container holding the seed and placed it on top of a flower pot.  It wasn't thrown on the floor....it was like it was carefully placed aside.  That tickled me and I've been on the lookout for him since, though a brick now secures the top of the seed container.

Keep It Moving!!

A new work station for jigsaw puzzles.

As I continue to enjoy peace and calm (more or less!), things seem to roll along and my time is filled. After finding the definitive peanut butter cookie recipe, I made a batch for my neighbor and her husband. Denise is a delightful lady and we've had lots to talk about every time we've gotten together. But, with the ups and downs and unpredictability of my situation, I just have no been able to pursue a friendship. So, you can imagine my surprise when I heard that she had brain surgery! She had noticed balance and memory problems and was first diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Her doctor then called to say the initial diagnosis was incorrect, that she had water on the brain!! It sounds as though the surgery might solve the problem (the fluid will drain into her abdomen and be absorbed by the body). So, if anyone deserved a batch of cookies, it was Denise. She seems to be doing well and I hope to see more of her.


 The other activities read like a "to do" list.....

--After missing all meetings last month, I finally made it back to Living Liberally. It was good to see the regulars, and there were quite a few new people, which added to the chatter.

A 350 piece puzzle from the dollar store

--This past Wednesday, my mother, Pamela and I went to a choral concert in Sun City. Being at 2PM in the afternoon and with a movie music theme, I thought it might be something my mother would enjoy.......until she grasped her ears when the music started! It was surprisingly loud!  She eventually removed one hearing aid and got through it okay. It made me aware of how difficult life must be when you can no longer do anything easily or comfortably.  


--Jennifer from Indigo Pines stopped by one afternoon and chatted up my mother again.   My  mother told her that she knew she would have to compromise.....and I said that when that kicked in, to please let me know!  In her heart of hearts I think she knows she can't be on her own any more, but to give up on it is so difficult for her.

The most entertainment for $1 that  I've had in a long time!

--We have been paying for one of my mother's medications that should have been covered by Medicare Part B, but the pharmacy we used didn't bill Medicare.  So, I spent the major part of one afternoon on the phone to 6 different people trying to get it sorted out.  The last lady I talked to seemed to know what she was doing and will contact the doctor, etc., but I had to go through 5 people to get to the right one.  It also makes me wonder how I will manage to get that done when I'm 90???

--Sunday Chris and I went to see Tea at Five at the SC Repertory Company.  It's an "intimate" little funky theater that does some surprisingly good productions.  This was a one woman play about Katherine Hepburn.  Act I was in 1938 when she was a struggling actress.  Act II was in 1983 at the end of her career. She was always an interesting woman and definitely ahead of her time, and the play didn't disappoint.

--On Saturday our electric company had their annual meeting, which usually includes music, food, prizes, etc.  Again, it was at 2PM and something I thought  my mother could do......and I have to give them credit, when I asked if I could drive up near the festivities and get my mother situated, the guy showed me where the handicapped parking area was and we proceeded there.  Once parked, there were golf carts ferrying people about and I was able to register there as opposed to mingling with the masses in another area.  It was thoughtfully organized and very easy for us to navigate.  We stayed about an hour and then rode around Ridgeland and checked out some of the massive oak trees.

The Great Escape and Other Things....

The last few days have been relaxed and pleasant, something that's been far too rare around here lately.  My mother seems to have turned a corner, or she's lulling me into a false sense of security!  She's spent less time in her room brooding and more time being active and involved.....and very amiable.  I'm not sure what accounts for it and it isn't likely to last forever, so I'm enjoying it while I can.

She got a good report from her doctor and my advance call paid off.  The subject of her living alone did come up and he handled it well......and made both some very valid points, as well as some funny ones.  As he was discussing her being on her own, he asked if other family lived nearby, and she said ALL of her family was there (with the exception of her wayward daughter!).  Then he asked why she didn't call them when she was sick and needed help?  He also asked if she had a Lifeline, which she has had for some time.  But, I explained that when she fell and fractured her pelvis in four places, she wouldn't push the button even after I asked her to over the phone (as you remember, I found out about it all as I'm on my way to work.  Since she wouldn't push the Lifeline button, I had to call 911 here to find out how to contact 911 there!!).  That info tilted the balance for him and he said, "With your medical problems and 'history', you shouldn't be living on your own.  If you were 90 years old and in good health, it would be one thing; but, you have heart and lung problems and you're diabetic.  If you were my mother, I would not want you to be on your own."  She thanked him....but the next day said that she and her kitties needed to go home!

The funny thing was about her aching arm, shoulder and neck.  She has a pain medication she can take every 12 hours.  She cuts them in half and takes half of one.....to which I kept saying she was getting 1/2 the effect by not taking it properly.  The doctor questioned her as to why she wasn't taking it as directed.....was it making her groggy, sleepy, etc.  After a series of questions he concluded that she wasn't taking it as directed because she didn't want to......to which he said, "Well, if you aren't doing to take the medication as directed, don't complaint to her about your aches."  I almost laughed out loud.  She has begun taking it more as directed, or at least when needed.

Well, the "Great Escape" was more of a mini-escape.  Both Pamela and I had allotted most of the afternoon for our get-away.  As it turned out, my mother's cat (who is seriously ill with Irritable Bowel Syndrome) was not bouncing back after his routine shot the week before.  He is going downhill quickly and I'm not sure there is much that can be done to prevent it.  In any case, my mother wanted to take him to the vet, so that was schedule for the morning of our escape.  The vet wanted to keep him for tests, which meant that Pamela and I had to cut our plans short in order to pick him up before the vet's office closed.  Even so, we had a leisurely lunch out on the deck of the Beach Club in Sea Pines, overlooking the Atlantic and soaking in the sun.  We had hoped to have a walk on the beach or browse the shops in Harbourtown, but we settled for a quick shop at Sam's.......I had mentioned that being my last stop before coming home.  Pamela's card had expired so she asked if she could come with me and pick up a few things.  So, while it may not have been the "great escape" we had hoped for, it was good company, beautiful weather and an opportunity to relax......no complaints.

The weekend before held some good times for me, too.  On Saturday (4/21/12) I completed the dog handling class and especially enjoyed the Saturday session, when we finally got to work with the dogs.  PAL is training all who will work with the dogs in a method taught by our local "dog whisperer".  While it is more austere than I'm used to, it really does seem to be effective, especially for a place like PAL where you have so many animals with varied backgrounds.  In the time that I've been here, I can tell that the dogs are calmer and more disciplined......and there is no more real "discipline" involved than a correction with a starmark collar.  If I had a dog, "discipline" wouldn't enter the picture; but, I can see that this training really does benefit the dog and makes them more adoptable, which is the object of the center. With the training,  I hope to be able to go out and walk them from time to time or help with adoption fairs. 

On Sunday (4/22/12) I met Cheryl at the Subway shop at the corner of Hwy 278 and I-95.  You know you're good friends if you can meet at a truck stop and have a good time!!  It was non-stop chatter from the minute we spotted each other.  She was traveling from her sister's and still had a 5 hour drive back home, so our time was too short......but it was so good to get together and catch up (as best we could)....the time passed much too quickly.

So, it's been a good week and, as stated some time ago, I've become much better at seizing the day, or even the moment.  My mother has been very mellow this week and I've been able to relax and enjoy it.  Long may it last.

I hope things are good where you are.

Day by Day....

I'm not sure where the time has gone or how we've spent it.  I'm still doing the "one day at a time" thing,  and on some days it's been "half-day to half-day".  My mother seems to do okay as long as she's occupied; however, I don't have the energy or creativity to do that 24/7.  If I occupy myself with my own tasks/activities (such as this), she will just go into her "zone' - head down, eyes fixed and lost in thoughts that do not seem to bring much joy.  Or, better yet, if I do something like go have my hair cut, she'll just retire to her room, with more of the same for hours and hours!!  It's hard to feel good if that's what you're doing.  Anyway, I do what I can and the photos below are of the flowers we planted in the space in the back yard that we cleared a week or so ago.  Anyone who has visited knows that this isn't my thing......it was done strictly for her benefit and enjoyment; but, I too enjoyed it and am very chuffed with the results.  We've established a routine of sitting out on the patio several times a day so Smokey, her kitty, can roam free.....the little flower garden is a nice touch.

We did have a day (almost everything takes the major part of a day) at Sam's in Savannah, with our favorite soup and salad stop at Ruby Tuesday's. This afternoon we hit the local Thrift Shop, which is one of the best around.  These are usually things my mother would really enjoy (and I think she did), but she just tires so quickly, and when it's over, it's over.

Though it's difficult to plan things and I'm likely to come back to find my mother in the zone, I have managed to get away for lunch with my friend Chris, as well as attend a dog handling class at Palmetto Animal League.

 Upcoming events include:

• The second and final part of the dog handling class this Saturday, when we actually work with the dogs....so, I hope all goes well with that as I really enjoyed being there again after such a long time.
• Sunday I've offered to take my mother to church again; and, shortly thereafter, I'm hoping to meet Cheryl as she travels from Camden to Florida.  We will just get together over lunch, but it will be good to catch up.
•  Pamela, who is here from California to get her 90 year old mother's apartment ready to sell, is experiencing many of the same things I've described. So, she and I are planning a "great escape" on Tuesday.....no idea at this point what we will do, but my guess is that it will involve a glass or two of vino. 

 The remainder of my time has been and will be filled with doctor's appointments and the everyday things of life, some of which get done and others don't.  My house is out of control but, somehow, that seems way down on the list.

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After a day of being depressed, last night my mother again became active during the night.  She has  recently begun talking a lot in her sleep, almost nightly.  Sometimes her hands are going as though she's doing something.  Last night, in addition to that, she turned on her light around 11:45.  When I went in she was putting her shoes in the closet.  When I asked what she was doing, she said she was cleaning her room.  I told her the time and suggested she do it tomorrow.  Later, she knocked her water container off the bedside table......again probably doing something with her hands and arms of which she wasn't aware. I asked what she was thinking/worried about......and we "talked" about her wanting to but not being able to be on her own at home.  Not what she wanted to hear.  So, I spent most of the night on high alert!!

Later today she is to see her doctor, so I called his office before she got up this morning and asked that he inquire about her sleeping, etc.  The last time she was there she told him she wanted to go home and he said that was between us, but he didn't see how she could manage on her own (and, of course, since then she has been home and lasted a week, which he doesn't yet know).  I asked that if she said anything like that again, that he counsel her as best/positively as he could (sometimes I think they know as much about that as they do nutrition!).  So, we shall see how that goes.  I have learned that in many cases it is better for me to pull strings behind the scenes rather than dealing with it directly myself.  In that vein, I've been in touch with Indigo Pines and they are going to send her an invitation to spend several nights there, to get a feel for it.  Needless to say, I'm going to push that as much as I can without getting a backlash.  Keep your fingers crossed.

I Love It When That Happens...

This was just one of those serendipitous “good feeling” kind of things that happened on my walk this past Wednesday (3/11/12).  I was doing my old route, which passes a private drive to “Oak Forest Island”.  Neighborhood scuttlebutt has it that this is where the families live who sold the land to Centex for our development.  I’ve walked by the entrance many times and am always curious as to what lies down that narrow, private drive through the forest.   So, Wednesday I’m on my way back home and the drive is completely blocked by two trucks.  A younger man has gotten out of his truck and is talking to an older man in a green truck.  As I approach, the man in the truck says, “Are you going to join our meeting”?

I say, “It looks like you guys have it under control…..and (judging from the dog in the front seat and the arrow in the hand of the younger man) I think you’re talkin’ huntin’ and I’m not sure I’d have a lot to offer…..  but, my guess is that you’re going turkey hunting with bow and arrow!”

As it turns out, they were talking about hunting and the younger man had made the arrow he was holding.  In hindsight, I wish I’d paid more attention as it was an interesting piece of kit, with a real arrowhead at the tip and turkey feathers at the end.  I’ve only seen manufactured arrows, with plastic being the primary component, so I really wish I had given a better look at this one.  The older man said that he hunted with arrows, to which I said it made things a bit fairer (though I was thinking bow and arrow, not crossbow!).  Anyway….

He said, “Where do you live?”

I said, “Waterford Drive.” 

He said, “You’re a good ways from home”, which gave me a chance to tell him about my daily walk and all of the wildlife I’ve spotted (with the most recent being turkeys…thus the turkey hunting remark.)  He asked if I’d spotted any coyotes, which I hadn’t…but he had.

So I said, “Where?  Down there?  Do you live down there?”, pointing to the private road.  He said that he did and I told him that I’d wanted to walk down there, but it was posted as “private”…….and I didn’t want to be shot with an arrow!!

And he said, “You’d be welcome to walk down there anytime.  In fact, I’ve been thinking of having an open house (am not sure where that came from…but I said it was a good idea!). He then said, “If anyone stops you, just tell them that the old guy in the green truck said it would be okay!”

I thanked him for the offer and assured him I would take him up on it…..and then continued my walk. So, one day soon I’m going to venture down the narrow, private drive through the forest to Oak Forest Island.

I loved that little exchange.  It was friendly, jovial and just a good chat with a total stranger, ending with permission to explore a new area.  I love it when that happens!