Never a Dull Moment!

Within two hours of my last post (Sunday, October 13), I received a call from Belfair Gardens saying that my mother was not doing well......rapid heartbeat, difficulty breathing, etc.  They felt she needed to go to the ER, so I said go ahead and call 911 and I would get there ASAP.  I threw on some clothes and got there just as they were taking her down the hall on the way to the ambulance.  I spoke to her and am not even sure she knew it was me or even heard me (hearing aids were out).  so, I went to the ER and they did everything to quickly get things under control. They decided to keep her for the night.  However, as seems to always be the case, we didn't actually get a room and get settled for the night until 2AM.  Surviving the hospital is not for the weak!  My mother seemed to get a few hours sleep, but I got up at 6AM to come home briefly to feed the cats and give Gabby his insulin.  As soon as that was done, I went back....in less than two hours.  When I arrived, my mother had just finished breakfast and almost seemed like nothing had happened!  Even so, we were there until around 6PM.....the doctor wouldn't release her until blood work had been done again. So, we waited, waited, waited!!



The waiting was broken when Bev, a friend from synogague days, and her therapy dog, Alfee, stopped by for a visit.  He is beautiful and fluffy....difficult not to love.  He got lots of attention and we all loved it.  The hospital chaplain stopped in....and I knew him from synagogue days also, so we had a nice chat.  Finally, at the end of the day as we were about to be set free, Shelly from Belfair Gardens came by to check on "Mama Caboose", as she calls Mama for always bringing up the rear.  That was totally unexpected and so  thoughtful....she is a real gem, and you can tell that Mama likes her.  When I got Mama back at BG, they had held dinner for her and she was chowing down as I left.  I came home, took care of the cats and collapsed!  The last photo is of her enjoying the ice cream social the next day, almost as though nothing had happened.

The doctor scheduled an appointment for her to have a stress test on the following Thursday.  Anything like that is almost always a full-day event.  In this case, I went over and did her hair beforehand.  The test itself took several hours and we headed for food immediately thereafter.  It was another day of getting home just in time to take care of necessities before crashing.  Again, around 8:30 the phone rang.  It was the doctor saying they had found a major blockage and she needed a stent TOMORROW!  So, I called Belfair Gardens and alerted them, saying that I would pick her up around 7:45.....so, she didn't have time to fret over it (I did all that!).  We were there by 8:30 and the procedure went well, so well that she was released around 6:30 that evening.  I got her settled in BG, with assurances that they would check her often.  When I went by the next morning, she was up, dressed, having breakfast and demanding more coffee!!  I, on the other hand, was exhausted!!

 The next day (Saturday), I had planned to go to the Bluffton Arts and Seafood Festival (Eileen, you will remember that!) with my friend Chris and her friend,  who was visiting from Minnesota.....but, I was so tired that I cancelled.  I had no energy left.  Later that week, I did join her and her friend for Thai food.  It was a nice evening and I was pleased to meet Sue....such a nice lady and the conversation was great.

I've also had lunch with one of my neighbors, whom I enjoyed getting to know....and I think we'll do it again.

As you can see from the photos, the government shutdown motivated the democrats to show up to Drinking Liberally.  This is awell over twice the size of our group of "regulars" and it was a good evening.  I hope we can maintain this momentum.  

You must know that with the government shutdown, I was on a tear!  I emailed Congressman Sanford EVERY day (except weekends and the day I actually stopped in his office in Beaufort!).  He voted against re-opening government, so I still owe him one last note....which I need to do soon, while my iron is still hot!

i also contacted our Lt. Governor, who is in charge of services for the elderly in South Carolina...pertaining my mother's situation.  My mother would qualify for Medicaid, but in SC that will only apply to skilled nursing care.  Since my mother sometimes seems to have more stamina than I, she doesn't need that yet.....which means I'm paying for most of it.....and seeing my future becoming more dismal by the minute.  I actually received a phone message and a letter from him. So, I also want to reply to him.....and question that when there are people like my mother, why have we refused the Medicaid expansion under Obamacare (free  money for states for three years, then only 90%).  This letter will require more finesse than the one to Sanford, where I will just level with him.....So, you can see that my "To Do" list is not short or easy.

In the meantime, my house was such a mess that I almost had to move out!  This past week, my plan has been to suspend my walks and to make very short visits to see my mother.  By the time I walk, shower, dress, visit my mother, have lunch....half of the day is gone.  I never seem to have a block of time to get anything done.  That plan worked for three days and I got a lot done. Thursday and Friday were totally disrupted, but at least the house is more liveable.  I've gone through and donated to the library lots of recipe books.  I've reorganize the two bedrooms to allow for guests and kitties.  I've reorganized the laundry room....slowly, but surely, I'm going through things and culling crap.  The garage awaits, and that will be the major project.  It's happening slowly but surely......and it feels good.

AND, if that isn't enough....I've become an organizer!!  All who know me know that I'm not even a "joiner", to say nothing of an "organizer".  I kind of follow the Groucho Marx (or WC Fields, or someone before my time ......thank God, there is someone before my time!!) theory that I would not like to join a group that would have me as a member!  But, it was my bright idea to put together a contact list of those families at Belfair Gardens who are there on a regular basis and might like to contact others.  As it turns out, that was a great idea and everyone loves it!!  We have 30+ people on our spreadsheet AND we have gotten together 3 times......and I have people calling me like I'm some kind of organizer!!  One positive is that it has made it easy for me (and others) to get to know one another, and I think those of us who are there on a regular basis feel that we can call upon each other if needed.  So, I have either done something very good.....or created a monster.  Time will tell.

If all of that sounds disjointed, unpredictable, and totally overwhelming.......then you have a full grasp of the situation!!  I just get up in the morning and put one foot in front of the other.  I am posting this, without review.  I will do that tomorrow (or even later!).... but know that I'm hanging in there, doing my best, and thinking of all those who care enough to follow this.  I LOVE YOU!  Thank you so much!

Up and Running Again

It seems like forever since I last posted and I feel very far behind, in the blog and almost everything else!  So, I'll do my best to catch you up as I have made an effort to stay busy....to the point now of feeling the need to stay home and get some things done.  I've done the usual things with friends and my Living Liberally group.  I also saw "The Butler", which I thought was very good as it brought back lots of historical events of my time.

On Labor Day weekend, we had a very nice surprise.  Jim, Anthony and Justin, whom I'd just visited in DC, sent a lovely bouquet of flowers.  When I saw the delivery person at the door, I was sure they had the wrong address!  The flowers were lovely and thoroughly enjoyed by me, the cats and my mother.  What a sweet thing for them to do for us!
 

The following week Bill and Betty came for the afternoon.  They make a special effort to come by on their way to visit their son in Florida.  It is out of their way and I do appreciate their making the effort.  Mama was feeling well and we all went out to lunch at Jim N Nick's.  It was lots of fun and we all enjoyed it.



A group of Tibetan Buddhist Monks were in Savannah and creating a sand mandala during that week.  I didn't know anything about it until a friend posted four photos on Facebook (which I've included here with one of mine).

I was definitely interested in seeing their work so I went down on Thursday afternoon.  The bottom right photo shows how far along they were at that time.  Then on Sunday, my friend Chris and I went to see the completed mandala and closing ceremony, which was great.  As we walked in, there was this very low hum.  It took us a minute to realize that the monks were chanting.  They completed the mandala around 4PM and there was about an hour before the closing ceremony began, during which they dismantle it, share some of the sand with those in attendance, and then take it to the river and disperse it around the world.  It was not a disappointment.  I'm posted my album (which you can see HERE) as well as this YouTube time-lapse film, which shows it being done, explains some of the symbolism and includes their chanting and the closing ceremony.  The mandala in the film is a wealth mandala while the one done here was a healing mandala.  After seeing that the film was taken in a cold climate, I can imagine that the monks probably enjoyed being here!


The weather was perfect and it was an enjoyable day.  After the closing ceremony, Chris and I went to a new vegetarian restaurant in Savannah.  The food was very good and I think we'll be back again, whenever in Savannah.  So, it was a perfect end to a perfect day.

Early in October my mother and I had a get-together with Alice, the lady who occasionally sat for Mama when she was with me.  I don't think Mama remembered her, but Alice is so sweet she enjoyed being with her even so.  We went to IHOP and everyone enjoyed a good breakfast.

With the government on shutdown I think Jim, being on furlough,  was in crisis; so, I got a call asking if they could come down for a few days since they were already in NC.  How could I say "no" when they had so graciously let me visit when I needed to get away.  I don't think anyone ever really minds, you just want everything to be as good as possible.  Well, I had three hours notice and did what I could in that time......freshened the bedclothes, tidied up as much as I could, ran to the grocery store, and had a pot of soup on when they arrived.  I didn't have time to fret over the visit and that was good.  They arrived late Monday afternoon and once they were settled, we went to visit Mama and then to Truffles for dinner.  The next day was cool and overcast, and I had a 2:30 meeting that I needed to make.  So we went to Palmetto Bluff for a look around.  Then we came back.....I went to my meeting and they did some shopping, looking around, etc.  Once again, we visited Mama, taking Deva, their little teacup Chihuahua. Mama immediately fell in love with her, as did everyone else there who saw her.  She went back for several visits and brought a smile to everyone she met.  On their third day, which was sunnier and warmer, we spent the day in Beaufort.  We did the carriage ride, which I always enjoy.  We then did lots of walking around town, ending up at the Chocolate Tree.  Need I say more!?!  It was good to see them and we couldn't have enjoyed it more if I'd had a week to prepare!
 
In the midst of all this, the government has closed and I've been calling, emailing and writing my representatives and the Speaker of the House.  I know they all love me!!  You will laugh at this...I emailed my esteemed Congressman, Mark Sanford (he of Appalachian Trail fame!).  The next day I called his office.  I told the staffer my name and location, and he said, "Oh, yes.  We received your email yesterday!"  I almost laughed out loud.....but it did tell me that they are paying attention to the feedback.  He was a nice young man and we had about a 15 minute conversation.  Then, when I asked what their healthcare plan was (since we know the ACA is as bad as it gets) he couldn't tell me what the GOP's plan was or what Sanford supported. That was not a surprise to me as they DO NOT want healthcare.  It was at that time that he said the phones were ringing, yada, yada.......and I told him that whenever the discussion (with Republicans) got down to facts and details, it was abruptly brought to an end.  Anyway, I've taken it as my civic duty to let them know my thoughts each day.  I do think they are dealing with a whole lot of "what goes around, comes around" kind of stuff, and it couldn't be happening to a more deserving group.

So, you can see that grass hasn't grown under my feet and, as I said earlier, I feel like I need some down time at home.  I'm trying to walk as often as possible.  Between that, showering and dressing before visiting my mother, a large chunk of the day is taken.  I've begun getting rid of things and trying to get the house more organized, but there is just so much to do.  I can only do it in small increments, but I guess that is better then not doing it at all.

I hope this finds you doing well.  Please drop me a note and let me know what you've been doing.

Technical Difficulties

Well, I've put off posting an entry, knowing that it would take a block of time to do it as I wanted.  Now, my laptop is dead!  I turned it on yesterday (9/30/13) and the monitor didn't come on.  After trying all suggestions on the Internet, I took it to the Geek Squad.  They thought it was the graphics chip that is welded to the motherboard, which means the motherboard would most likely need to be replaced.....to the tune of $300-$400.  I thought that would be the easy way out until I went back and checked on laptops.  It seems that the prices have really come down on them, which now means that it might actually be better to get a new one than to repair a 3+ year old.  So, I'm waiting to learn the actual cost of repairs before deciding.  In the meantime, working on my blog is one of those things more easily done on the laptop than iPad.......which you can see below.

There are things to report, but I will wait until I'm also able to post photos, which makes it more interesting to you and fun for me.  So, all is well!  I'll be in touch as soon as my computer problem is resolved........it may be a couple of weeks!!  In the meantime, let me know what you've been doing.

When All Else Fails.....Escape!

Well, I was in such a sad, lonely place that I had to escape.  I didn't know what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go, I just needed to get away.  As I thought about it, I realized that the last really good time that made me feel alive and involved, and wore me to a frazzle, was when I visited Jim and Anthony in the DC area several years ago.  So, on the spur of the moment on a Sunday night, I emailed Jim and invited myself!!  They were very gracious and welcomed me with open arms.  As Jim said, "You're family....we'll put the small pot in the large pot and add water!"  I'd never heard that before and I loved it.  So, I set about making plans, not that anything would qualify as "a plan".  I did everything backwards; at times I felt like I hadn't done this (traveled) before, but it all worked out. So, on Thursday morning (7:30AM), i took Amtrak from Savannah to Union Station in DC. These are not European or Japanese trains....this was an 11 hour trip, but I was actually looking forward to sitting there, looking at the scenery and chilling.  The trip up was very pleasant, but the trip back, from 7:30PM to 6:45AM, was as one would expect.  Even so, I had pleasant and interesting seat mates, which made it all tolerable.

When I got off the train and walked from the platform to the escalator leading to Union Station, the first people I saw were Jim and Anthony.  We went straight to Uno"s for dinner and caught up as quickly as possible....non-stop gabbing!  It was great to see them again!  From there we went to their place and it wasn't a late night for me.

Jim had to work on Friday, which was a dark, drizzly day; so Anthony and I had a leisurely morning before heading to National Harbor. We browsed around there a bit before taking a boat to Alexandria, where we shopped a bit and had a Starbucks coffee.  We were on a little tram back to the boat when someone asked where we were from.  When I said HHI/Bluffton, half the tram spoke up.  One group vacations here regularly and another fairly stoned young man had dated the daughter on a major car dealer here.  It gave him such a good feeling that he came over and shared his headphones with me....Led Zeppelin!!  Once back at National Harbor, we had a nice lunch at the Gaylord before heading home.  

While we were out having a good time, Jim was busy making plans for the evening.  He got tickets to The Twins Jazz Club on U Street.  That seems to be an area that was down on it's heels for a while but is now being revitalized by the younger set.  We thought the club did Ethiopian food, but for some reason they had switched to Jamaican......but would be doing Ethiopian again in the near future!  In any case, they had a wonderful lentil soup, and wine....so everyone was happy.  The music was very good and the band welcoming.  It was a very good night.  U Street was calm and quiet when we went into the club but, by the time we left, it was hopping.  Oh, to be young again!!  Needless to say, when my head hit the pillow I was out like a light!

Saturday was my ulterior motive for being in DC.  It was the 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King's March on Washington.  I have to say that seeing that march on TV 50 years ago had a major impact on me.  It seemed to express what we should all strive for, to love one another without divisions of race, religion, gender, whatever.  Anyway, Jim and Anthony agreed to go with me and we were on the metro with lots of others.....it was wonderful, my kind of thing!  We ran into lots of people to talk to and discover...I loved it!  Unfortunately, the event didn't seem to be very well organized.  There was lots of information of which trains to take, where to get off, etc., but details of the program were sketchy and sometimes contradictory. Then, when we got there we could see where we wanted to be, but the crowd control procedures made it impossible to get there.  During the whole afternoon, we saw only two "park rangers" who were trying to provide information, but I think even they weren't sure of what was happening.  Anyway, those who have participated in this type of thing before (Cheryl!) know that it's just wonderful to be with that many people of similar thinking.....everyone is in a good mood, jovial, kind, funny, and so on......it's a wonderful atmosphere and I soaked it up.  I talked to a lady who graduated from the same university as I and I was interviewed by two delightful young ladies from Morgan State University who asked why I was there.....I figured she was motivated to ask that due to my age!!  Anyway, that is my kind of thing and I enjoyed it.  It was made complete when, on our way out, we happened upon an older man who had participated in the original march and was carrying his original sign.  THAT made my day!  His photo made the NY Times, but I got my own, and everyone (passers-by on the street) thanked him for being there then and being here now!

At this point, I have to interject a somber note......perspective!  That word was really made real when I realized that when Martin Luther King led that original march, he was 34 years old.  I was 16 at the time and he seemed like a middle-aged man to me. NOW that I am twice the age we was at the time, I realize the greatness and courage of a very young man.  I can see how much ahead of his time he was, the courage it took, and the sacrifices he and his family (unwittingly) made. I feel for his young children and wife who lived without him......and, as I've seen the speech again, there is a sadness to him.  Fifty years later, my admiration for him is greater and I hope we reach a point where his vision is made real.     

Anyway, after the march, we adjoined to the Meridian Oriental for "tea", which was a relaxing treat.  On our way to the metro (which I love!), we walked through the Smithsonian gardens...... lovely.

But, the day didn't end there!  We then went to a monthly dinner group that Jim and Anthony attend.  It was the birthday of one of the hosts, so the occasion was very festive. It was great to be with interesting and diverse people, though I spent most of my time talking to Jorge, who was running a B&B.  He was a trained chef, into composting, growing his own food, woodworking, and more......very interesting!  A good time was had by all and, again, I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

On Sunday we went to a Renaissance Fair.  I'd heard of them but never attended.  This was the first weekend of its opening and it will run through October. Jim and Anthony had their costumes, which were very good and people frequently asked for photos.  I was amazed at the number of people who came in costume and the quality of the workmanship.  The event was set in a lovely wooded area which lent itself to this type of thing.  It really was a nice way to spend the afternoon and I thoroughly enjoyed it.  There were lots of good musical groups performing throughout the afternoon.  Bagpipes seemed to be a favorite and, somehow, belly dancing worked its way into most musical performances.  It was a great people watching event and I would highly recommend it.  From there we went to Annapolis for a walk around town and dinner by the water.....very nice.



Jim had appointments on Monday morning, so I accompanied him as we were meeting his (and my deceased cousin, Cissy's) son Justin for lunch.  Though we didn't have as much time as I would have liked, it was great so see Justin and catch up a bit. He looked wonderful, having lost 40 pounds, and seemed to be working hard and doing well.  That was a high point....and I hope to see him again soon.


From there, Jim and I went to the National Gallery for the Mary Cassatt exhibit......just happening to pass the Democratic National Headquarters on the way!!  It was a quick visit to the gallery, but lovely and impressive.  There is just so much to do and see in DC.  I'm sure it has drawbacks, but it's hard to deny its appeal

We got back home just in time for me to throw things in a bag and be taken to Union Station....after a goodbye to Deva (left), Jim and Anthony.  I boarded the train at 7:30PM, arriving in Savannah at 6:40AM.  It was not a comfortable night, but the weekend was worth it.  I am so glad I did it as it broke the sadness I was in.  I stiil have moments of tearfulness, often at the least thing or most inopportune times; but, overall I do feel better.  I went through this tearfulness with my mother and was just over it not too long before Allan died.  That set it off again, but I know it will subside over time.

When I arrived home, I was greeted by a gang of turkeys, who strolled through my yard.  I took that as a "welcome home" and a good omen.

 I am happy to report that my mother did FINE while I was away.  She started giving me grief the day before I left, but I made a quick exit.  I checked on her via email and phone while I was away and all reports were good.  When I got back, she said she missed me and was happy to see me.  She has been getting up and dressed for breakfast, participating in activities and even getting to know other residents.  She seems much  most settled.  Today I took her out to get her hair cut and lunch at Wendy's.  We ran a few errands and she went back with no problem.  So, that may make it easier to do that type of thing again.

Unfortunately, my kitties didn't fare as well.  Actually, they were all okay, but the litter boxes were atrocious, Mama Mia's food dispenser was empty, the house alarm was not set, and....the straw that broke the camel's back.....when I turn the TV on, it was set to FOX news!!  The lady who cared for them works at the vets office and (supposedly) could give Gabby his injections every 12 hours, but I was not impressed with what I found.  While she was very nice and I would like for things to have worked out, I am going to have to find someone who can do it all.
 
Since being home, I've remained busy.....Living Liberally group, lunches with friends, Farmer's Market, my walking routine.....and to see "The Butler", which I thought was excellent.  I'm ready for some home time now, in hopes that it won't be as sad and unsettling as before I left.  I still expect Allan to call in the mornings......I know that none of us get out of this life alive, but it is so difficult to do without those we love. I'm thinking now of Dorothy Redpath, who just lost Bryan, her partner of a lifetime. I'm hoping she is okay and finding solace in memories of a good man and an interesting life.  We are too close at the moment to be able to put it in "perspective", but that will happen over time.

Remembering Allan

Aeaw & Bob.(Thailand) raised a glass, a stick of incense and a Buddhist prayer.

It has been wonderful and heartwarming to hear from so many friends in the aftermath of Allan's sudden death.  The first to call were Paul and Gwen, whom I hadn't heard from in a long time.  Paul and Allan worked together in the labs and Paul was also my neighbor on Mint in Dhahran.  Bob and Aeaw, friends from Abqaiq days with whom I'd lost contact, sent their condolences via email.  They wrote a wonderful piece which will bring back good times for those of you who were in Abqaiq "back in the day".  You may read it HERE.  Thank you so much, Bob and Aeaw, for the memories!

Then there were the friends whom I have kept in contact with in some way or another over the years, more than I can count. Thank you so much for thinking of me in such warm and caring ways. All shared some recollection of Allan, using such terms as....

---"generous, outrageous and hilarious character"
---"always made us laugh"
---"gentle, kind and genuine"
---"generous with his hospitality"
---"good friend in time of need"
---"a soft soul"
---"he made us smile, happy to be around him"

But, by far, the most frequently used descriptor was "larger than life".  As Len, his brother-in-law said, you know he's in the room!  Allan would be touched and pleased to be remembered with such fondness and joviality.

Paula describe Allan's service as lovely, feeling that Allan would approve.  The eulogy was given (read it HERE), followed by a poem (HERE).  The vicar asked those attending to stand around the closed casket as he said a final prayer, which Paula described as very emotional.  While I wish I and all those I've heard from could have been there, I am so thankful that Jean and Doug (sister and brother-in-law) and Neil (close friend of 30+ years) and Paula were there, standing in for the rest of us!  Before Allan's passing, Jean said that every night she told him who was thinking of him and praying for him, which was a comfort to me. I'm not sure I would even have thought of doing that, but it was a wonderful thing to do.....for Allan and for those of us who could not be there.

It didn't end for Neil and Paula there!  Paula took it upon herself to find homes for Allan's cats, Tigger and Princess Tinkerbell.  The Princess has already found a home and we're keeping our fingers crossed for Tigger.  It is probably better that they go to different homes as they always fought even though they were litter mates.

Jean and Doug were going to Whitehaven this weekend to be with the family, so I know they will relive it all.  I'm sure Allan's dad is stunned and heartbroken.  One of the things that brought Allan joy was how his relationship with his dad had deepened over the last few years.  When is mom was alive, his dad would answer the phone, say a few words, and automatically pass it to her.  Once they had the opportunity to talk, their relationship blossomed.  I know this has left a void in his dad's life.

For me, the last few days have been a bit better.....they've been busy, which is probably the best thing I can do until I gain equilibrium.  I have gotten together with a few friends, and on Thursday my cousin from NC came to visit my mother. His first big adventure in life was when he visited me in California years ago.  That has always been a bond between us and it was wonderful to sit and catch up.  I still have teary moments, but I guess with time that will lessen. 

I'd like to leave you with a lovely poem sent to me by Eileen, which I found comforting.

Where Do They Go To?

 

Where do they go to, the people who leave?

Are they around us in the cool evening breeze?

Do they still hear us, and watch us each day?

I'd like you to think of them with us that way.

 

Where do they go to when no longer here?

I think they stay with us, calming our fear,

Loving us always, holding our hands,

Walking beside us, on grass or on sand.

 

Where do they go to, well it's my belief

They watch us and help us cope with our grief.

They comfort and stay with us through each of our days,

Guiding us always  through life's mortal maze.

 

In Turkey (2009) for Victoria's wedding.

Allan - January 17, 1953 - July 30, 2013

It is with a sad and heavy heart that I let you know that Allan passed away yesterday.  He went in hospital on the 14th for what everyone thought would be about five days.  His sister and her husband, Jean and Doug, timed their arrival for when we thought he would be released, but that time came and went and he was not showing improvement.  We spoke almost daily and the day before I left for NC he wished me a safe trip, knowing that I would pretty much be incommunicado since cell reception is bad in that area.  While I was away, he was taken to ICU to have fluid removed from his lungs and stomach.  He never recovered from that.  His kidneys, liver and lungs no longer responded to treatment.  I am still in shock and I know Jean and Doug don't know what hit them.  Neil and Paula have been stalwart.  Having been in Spain for a while and learning the language, much of the heavy lifting has been done by them.  Neil has been the one having to deal with weepy people like me and he has done it with great strength, dignity and caring, for which I will always be grateful.  Mostly, though, they were all there for Allan, which means more than they will every know.

In younger, happier times.....

All of this happened within two months of his retirement.  He had just received his shipment and did not even have time to get settled. It is almost too much to take in and I am just sad to the core.  It has opened a floodgate of tears that just seems to come in waves.  Part of it is the pent up sadness of what is happening with my mother, but this sudden loss of Allan has cut to the quick.  it is just so very sad.

Allan often said that we had a better divorce than some people had marriages!  I don't think it took either of us long to realize that we had too many good memories that would be wasted if we couldn't continue to share them with each other.  Whenever we were together, there were some sad and melancholic moments, but they were usually far outnumbered by wonderful memories and good laughs. 

As I look around the room (and the whole house!), I am reminded of places visited together and wonderful experiences shared.  One of my favorite memories was our trip to Goa at Christmastime, which started with a 19 hour delay in the Bombay domestic airport due to an airline strike.  You can imagine how that went over!  Well, it was all made right when we got to the beautiful Fort Aguada Hotel and were given a little cottage on the hill above the hotel  It was wonderful! Every evening around 7, the breeze would come up and we would listen to the palm fronds rustling as we walked down to dinner. On our first night having dinner out by the pool, the hotel Santa over-imbibed and was fired.  For the next few days, the hotel was frantically looking for a new Santa, when someone approached Allan.  He was reticent but yielded to persuasion and bribery.  So, on Christmas day here comes Santa/Allan cruising through the palm trees on a motorized sleigh to deliver gifts to the kids.  It was wonderful and, with the exception of an older kid who blew his cover, we both enjoyed a Christmas that won't be forgotten. Each trip seemed to have at least one good story, mostly due to Allan's outgoing, gregarious nature.

He was here last August.  My mother was with me and well into her dementia.  He offered to stay at a hotel, but I suggested we play it by ear.  He stayed in a hotel the first night and then came here.  He was gentle and caring with my mother.....and very supportive of me, which I will always treasure. Since then, he would listen to my sage/woes and say, "Sweetheart, you know you're going to have to do something."  I would agree, assure him that I knew that, but it would have to be as i was able to do it.

It never dawned on me that might be the last time I would see him.  If anything, I thought he would settle into retirement and we might see each other more frequently, but I guess that's what makes this such a shock.  That, and the knowledge that I've lost someone who will leave a huge void in my life. That void is shared by his father, whom he loved dearly, his sisters Margaret and Jean, and their families, and his friends.  To you all I send my deepest condolences.  I keep telling myself that Allan is at peace.  He has laid down the struggles and pain of this world and is at peace.  I hope that thought and the fond memories we have of him will comfort us all in time.

Allan will be remembered for his joie de vivre

and generosity of spirit to those he loved.