My Hometown...

Included in all of the crap I subscribe to on the internet are two sites from my hometown, Wadesboro, NC.  One informs of all upcoming events in town and the other is the newspaper, The Anson Record.  In one of them I learned that they were removing the facade from the old Belk's Department Store.  Belk's was one of the nicer department stores in many parts of the south and our little town was proud of have one.

This facade had, in my opinion, been an eyesore as it was totally incongruous with the rest of the town, but it had been there so long  (1955) that I couldn't even remember what was behind it.  So, when my mother and I were in North Carolina, I made a point to go up to see what was happening....and this is what we found.

What a beautiful, old building with character and charm!  I loved it!  As I was taking this photo, a couple approached and we began talking......they were there for the same reason!  He had gone to school at Wadesboro High School and now lives in the Raleigh area. She was the wife of Luther Morris, a (deceased) distant cousin whom I really did not know.  He mentioned that the movie theater had recently been renovated (which I also knew via the internet) and that it is now used for various programs.....and that if anyone was in the office next door, they would let us go inside and take a look.  So the day turned into a tour of my hometown!

The whole town centered around one major intersection.  This green space beside Belk's goes to that intersection and when I was a kid it was filled with a family owned jewelry store and Fox and Lyon's Drug Store, complete with a long soda fountain.  Unfortunately, it burned down many years ago and the spot stood empty and poorly tended.  The little bandstand is used for town functions and is an improvement over a vacant lot.

Below Belk's (going away from the main square) was a furniture store...and I can't remember what the other two shops were.  The white building at the bottom of the street was the mortuary.  Like many of the other businesses that once occupied these buildings, the mortuary has moved along the major highway.

One of the buildings is now being used as a consignment shop......and the Belk building is part of the county government buildings.

Consignment Shop

Directly across the street from the Belk building is the court house, which is very typical of small Southern towns.

It had recently been cleaned and looked very good. Unfortunately, the requisite Confederate soldier statue doesn't show up against the tree, but it's there! The building that you can see just beyond the magnolia tree is the Post Office.  I believe that some part of the court house was used in the filming of The Color Purple but I don't know the details.  Shortly after we were there, they did this in honor of those who died on 9/11.

A flag for each person who died on 9/11.

This pleasant  little rest area, a DAR Memorial, takes us from the court house to the main square.

From the square, we look straight down the street in the opposite direction.

The corner store on the right is the same drugstore that has been there as long as I can remember (directly across the square from Fox and Lyon's).  The buildings beyond the drug store now hold a bank and law offices.  The light, boxy building before the trees is the local library.  The corner building on the left was another fashionable department store but has now been converted to local government offices.  Immediately beyond that is H.W Little Hardware, another longtime business.

I was pleased to nab this photo off a web site because my father worked at Little's for many years before opening a small general store of his own about 5 miles out of town.  I went in recently and it really is much like it was years ago. Those old hardware stores are treasures and wonderful to browse in, if you can find one. In the old days, there was a dress shop and a florist below Little's.  You can see that along the two intersecting streets you could find everything you wanted and needed......life was simple!

If you walked past Belk's and Fox and Lyon's to the square and turned right, you would be walking down this street.  In my youth, there were two "dime stores" - Rose's and Eagles - along this street.  The store at the end of the street was a men's shop and the one next to it was Lillian's, a "high end" ladies shop.  Now I think there is a video shop and florist, along with some that are just empty.  Every time I see a street like this I always think how nice it would be if the upstairs were turned into apartments.....and somehow businesses could be attracted to the street level.  City management has probably thought of the same thing, so it must not be easy to do.

Along the "lower street" was the Ansonia, our local movie theater that closed many years ago, with the nearest one now being about 30+ miles away.  It was good to hear that it had been renovated and was actually used.  Unfortunately, the office was closed and we didn't get to go inside, but we will try again another day. 

It was along this street (near where I am standing when this photo is taken) that my mother's friend Ada had her beauty shop (and lived in an apartment behind it).  There was also a barber shop right beside it, along with a tea room.  And at the corner was one of  my favorite places.....Mack's Record Rack.

Mack's was downstairs and one of the unusual things about it was that it was owned and operated, lo those many years ago, by a black man, which may also account for the good music that appealed to young people.  Most of the records were 45s and he would let us listen to them before buying. This really did bring back memories.

While this whole little tour was unplanned, it brought back childhood memories and a bit of sadness.   It's sad to see those buildings languish...and good to see some effort being put into restoring and bringing some of them back.  Wadesboro is probably typical of many small towns where businesses have moved to hideous, flimsy strip malls along the major thoroughfare, leaving the older, distinguished  buildings standing empty and neglected.  While there is much to be done, it's nice to see that there is some interest in reviving the city center and I hope it continues.

That ends the tour.  Next time I'll give an update on the home front but thought you might like something different.  Anyone else from a small town like Wadesboro??

Official Wadesboro web site

Uptown Wadesboro

Wadesboro in Wikipedia

September Update

My mother and I are in NC.  We came up today (Saturday) and will probably go back on Tuesday.  She is always wanting to come home long enough to "get some things done"......meaning to come and stay.  Whenever we come for a short time, she "doesn't know where to start".  That truly is a problem when one is not willing to part with anything.  So, here we are, sitting in the midst of it all, which is really what she wanted anyway.....except she wants to do it until she dies!

Anyway, as those of you who know me might guess, my major source of enjoyment for the last few days has been the Democratic Convention.  And, boy, was it good or what!  It has been MSNBC or C-Span 24/7 except for the nightly analysis  by Stewart and Colbert!!  Could the differences in the parties and the people they represent be any more clearly defined than they were by these two conventions?   The energy was wonderful and exciting.  The diversity was great to see and the speeches were fantastic.....Michelle set the standard and Bill knocked the ball our of the park!  I thought Joe Biden was unusually sedate, but I think he had to set up the President, who did a wonderful job.  Those were certainly the highlights (along with Deval Partick and Jennifer Granholm), but keep in my that I start early and watch C-Span so I can hear all of the lesser known speakers, too.  I love it....and it could not have gone better!

My hope is that reasonable conservatives will finally be moved away from the dark side.  In fact, I was encouraged by a neighbor whom I met during my walks. I hadn't seen her in a while and when I was out a few days ago she passed by in her car and pulled over.  We usually chat about our mothers, but somehow we got onto the economy.   She described herself as an Independent and was talking about how bad the economy was where her daughter lived, which I took as a complaint against the President.  I said, "It sounds like you're leaning toward Romney".  I hardly had it out before she said, "NO!".....she thinks they're all psychopaths...her word, not mine. We then had a great rant!  It was fun and I think we were both happy to find a kindred spirit.  My hope is that she is a reflection of how other Independents and reasonable conservatives will view things.  I was encouraged....though I don't think we can take anything for granted.

I'm not sure how else I've used my time or where it has gone.  There is always something to do.  Now that my mother's vision has gone, she needs help with everything.....with things as simple as pouring coffee or milk, doing her hair before going out, selecting earrings/ jewelry (I tease her because she's meticulous about selecting her jewelry and then may forget her teeth!), getting shoes on the right feet.......all of the little things.  So everything takes more time and patience, and it feels that as soon as I get seated or settled into something, my services are needed.  While I have nothing worthy of mention, I've never stopped.....and some things just drag on and on: 

• I'm still working on the Aid and Attendance Benefits from the VA.  We just got her medical exam done last Friday.  There is still one more piece of information to provide and that process should be complete....Inshallah!
• Weeks and weeks ago we/I pulled and dug up four huge bushes in my front yard, leaving a bare space for all this time.  This past week we bought azaleas (thus precipitating the story of my feeble mind and the two Ronnie's!) and planted them.  Believe me, this isn't my thing but it is something my mother enjoys and it gets her outside........and, if I have company, I really don't mind it.....I just don't know anything about it.  There are still areas in the back yard that "she" wants to do, which means more digging for me!

 

From this....and overgrown mass of bushes (May)

 

 

To this....total lack of ability or knowledge!  (June)

To this....Two Sky Pencils and four Azaleas.....even now you have to use your imagination!!

I'm hoping these will look nice once they grow and become full. I have to come up with some mulch or ground cover and there is space for a bird bath....so still more to do, but I have a feeling it will be an ongoing project.

 

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We're home now (Wednesday) and had a relatively good visit.  My mother and I had our usual kerfuffles, but lots of the relatives visited and that part was unusual and fun.  I came to the realization that nothing is going to change with the house......she will not sell it or clear things out.  I keep thinking that if she did one or both, it would worry her less.  She is going to worry about something all the time and there is nothing I can do to prevent that.  Again, it is something I understand intellectually but it's very difficult not to be drawn in to trying to "fix it".  Anyway, I'm happy to be home!

Before we went up, we got a little marker for Tuffy.  He's buried between two Sago Palms right outside the sun room.

We brought back with us a small gym that my mother had for her kitties.....and they took right to it, although it's been empty since the photo shoot.

For something totally different......I love this, both the picture and the words, and am sending it your way!

Set your life on fire.

Seek those who fan your flames.

-Rumi

Where to Begin...

It's been a while since I've posted.  A lot of time has passed and a lot has happened...a mixed bag.  Let it suffice to say that I was premature in thinking the other mother had gone away.  That sense of well being was short lived.  We vacillated between arguing and sullen silences right up until Allan arrived.  This is where it becomes surreal.....Mama was so pissed with me that she was syrupy sweet to Allan.  He is her new BFF......and her new BFF didn't know what was happening!!  Welcome to my world.  It was so strange and strained that after a couple of days Allan left the hotel and stayed here just to take the heat off me.  Allan must have thought he'd gotten an E-ticket for the House of Horrors!!  Anyway, he was very good, patient (a word not often associated with Allan) and caring to my mother, so peace did reign for a while.

It was good to see Allan after two years.  Believe it or not, there are no photos of his visit because he is camera shy and I look like hell.....so you'll have to take my word for it.  I picked him up on a Friday around 10:30 PM in Savannah.  We sat up and talked until about 2AM, so Saturday was a late morning.  I already had a job for him as I'd bought a new kitty gym at my local, favorite thrift shop.  Once everyone was up and going, we went to pick it up and disposed of the old one, which I hated to see go as it held fond memories of the person who gave it to me.  Even so, the kitties seem pleased with the new one.

 

Anyway, the week went by quickly and most of our time was just spent catching up, doing what one or the other of us needed done, and having a few nice dinners out.  The low point of the week was having to put my mother's cat, Tuffy (Bitin' Bob), to sleep.  We were all basket cases and I had decided to take him to the vet myself.  At the last minute my mother was in tears asking her BFF Allan to go with me, so he's pressured into going, and now I have to look after the cat and Allan (Allan and I had already agreed that I would take Tuffy to the vet and he would bury him).  Anyway, when the time came I asked Allan to just stay in the waiting room and I would stay with Tuffy.  It was so sad.....he was so frail that he never moved after they gave him a sedative, but I stayed with him, held his head and stoked him until he was gone.  By that time, I was "gone" and so was Allan.  Everyone at the Vet's office was wonderful and understanding.  They thought my mother would want to see him one more time so they wrapped him so that she could see his face. We took him home but couldn't bury him because it was raining.  We all commiserated a while and then Allan and I went to Truffles for an early dinner.  We had a leisurely, enjoyable dinner and on the way home realized that it had stopped raining.  So, we went home and buried Tuffy, with all in attendance......followed by a group hug.  It was a difficult thing to do, but I'm so glad not to see that little kitty becoming sicker by the day.....he was so sick and my mother couldn't part with him until that time.  Anyway, you can imagine that after 30 years this may be the first time that Allan was happy to go back to Saudi!

While Allan was marveling at the goings on here, we came in one day and I had a phone message from my friend Pamela, who was in town for 6 months to help her 91 year old mother relocate.  She was calling from Phoenix......on her way back home to California!!  This is the Pamela with whom I had plans for a trip to Charleston and an Elton John concert. I called her later and she simply had it with her mother.  I'm not sure of the details, but she just couldn't deal with it any more.  So, Charleston is off.......but I told Allan that I was getting so anxious about the machanics of it all that it was almost counterproductive.  I'm also selling the EJ tickets, if I can, because it's just too much work to arrange everything and hope it goes well.  Needless to say, I'm so sorry that Pamela has gone, but I can certainly understand her situation.  I will miss her good company, thoughtful conversation, and encouragement.

Both Pamela and Allan encouraged me to "seek help" so before Allan left I had a list of phone numbers to call.  My first was the Aging and Disability Resource Center of the Lowcountry.....way out in the middle of Yamessee.  It's really a lovely location, but in the middle of nowhere.  Anyway, Karen, whom I had talked with on the phone, invited Claire, Family Caregiver Advocate, to join us.  I arrive early and am waiting to be received and thinking that we've had a couple of good days at home and I can get through this okay.  They then greet me and we go into a meeting room and within 20 seconds I'm in tears!!  Of course, I'm mortified, but they are so nice and gentle that I relax and just let it happen.  I came away from the meeting recognizing that my mother is not as mentally sharp as I like to think.....things are going on.  They recommend a program called Dementia Dialogues, which I've signed up for beginning late September.   They also suggested I talk with her doctor (which I've already done on various occasions) and ask him to make suggestions.  I came away with good ideas and options.

Then, they focused on me....asking about my health (high BP), sleep habits, anxiety, etc.  Their point was that I need to take care of myself if I'm to look after my mother.  Karen said that the first thing I would notice, with prolonged stress, was lack of concentration......and that has happened on a few occasions, but nothing I would consider serious.  And then there was this.....In an effort to spur my mother's interest, I removed some bushes in my front yard.  We are now trying to decide what to put there and I wanted to contact Ronnie at Lowes who helped us with the flower garden in the back yard.  We just showed up at Lowes day-before-yesterday and Ronnie wasn't' working.  So, we went home with the intention of calling before going back.  Today I called.  I spoke with Ronnie and she gave me her work times, lunch, etc.  So, after lunch I go to Lowes (Mama didn't feel like going).  I get there and am told Ronnie is off on Friday!  What?  I just talked to her!  Am I sure I talked with her today? (which really makes me wonder if I LOOK nuts!). Anyway, several people confirm that Ronnie is off today.  I'm driving away and decide to call the same number and find out whom I was talking to.....sure enough, Ronnie is at work, will meet me in the garden department, so I go back!  I ask someone different...No Ronnie!  I'm driving away from Lowes for the second time and realize that the number I looked up in the phone book this morning was Home Depot!!  Now I HAVE to see who this Ronnie is at Home Depot (and I tell her the whole story!)....and this Ronnie is as delightful and helpful as the Ronnie at Lowes.  I know I'm stress, scattered, spaced and several other things, but what are the chances of there being two women named Ronnie working in the garden departments at Lowes and Home Depot?!?  So, I think this major "lack of focus" is the Universe trying to tell me loud and clear to do things differently.  What a day!

I know this is long, but I can't end without commenting on the Republican Convention......can you believe them??  A sea of "white folks", reports of overt racism on the convention floor, cheers at the mention of guns, speeches unfettered by facts, overt self-promotion with no mention of the candidate......and Clint!!  In his rambling, the comment that struck me, and got a huge cheer from the faithful, was "we own this country"!  They want to "take their country back".....back from whom, the majority who voted for the President?  That kind of sums it up for me.....they feel they have more right to things than the rest of us. They are really scary and the fact that they increase their numbers by appealing to fear, religion, racism, any low denominator is despicable.  There must be good, conscientious Republicans, but if they allow that, they are colored with the same brush.  And I love how they can point to things like our credit downgrade, which was caused purely by the House Republicans.  Anyway, don't get me started.  It's like my 80+ year old idols Margaret and Helen say: "The convention is over and I for one got the message loud and clear – a bunch of white people hate President Barack Obama. But we knew that already."

Update Before Company

Just wanted to touch bases before Allan arrives for a visiit.  I haven't seen him in about two years and I think he's brave to visit after the two demoralizing weeks I've had.  He isn't staying here, at his suggestion - not wanting to add to my stress, which is probably a wise idea.  I've tried to prepare him by saying the operative word is "flexible"......and I should have warned that the pace is "slow".  It will be good to see him and catch up.

I'm happy to report that things are improving, but there was pretty much only one way they could go. The other mother has left town and now I only have to deal with my real mother!  I've spoken with a lady (Carole) who can stay with her from time to time (and during our trip to Charleston).  She came over on Monday and she and Mama got along great. She's a very personable, hardworking lady from Jamaica (wonderful accent!) and I'm pleased to have found her (through Pamela, whose mother she stays with also).  Anyway, one small step for womankind!  Keep your fingers crossed!

My spirits were boosted by a care package from Eileen and Tom....a tee shirt and purse mirror from the recent reunion in Wales.....and a cute kitty card.  It was so nice to be remembered and it couldn't have come at a better/more needed time.  The next day I received my Aramco Expat email and the first photo I saw was of Martin.  I clicked on it and enjoyed this video clip, with lots of familiar faces.


I've watched it so many times, each time recognizing more people I remember......loved it! If you Aramcons are feeling sentimental about those days, you can see a tour of Dhahran compound here.  All of that really does bring back good memories.

Those memories served as a great escape.  In addition to entertaining the other mother, I've been whirling around with everything else that needs to be done.  She has therapy twice a week, plus the cat has bitten her twice (..again after she was give antibiotics for the first bite!).  I've also applied for "Talking Books" which is a program from the Library of Congress and/or state library for the blind.  We had tried a CD player but the buttons were so small she couldn't use it even before she lost the remainder of her vision.  The application was mailed last Monday and I received a call about it on Wedneday.....how's that for service!  They are sending a player with raised buttons AND the machine talks....it will tell her which button she has pushed, etc.  They are sending her a free (to keep) audio Bible, as well as Guidepost magazine, a Sue Grafton mystery and something inspirational.  When she sends them back, she can select something else.  At some point, we will be able to download books ourselves onto memory sticks.  It's such a wonderful program, for which  my mother seems only modestly interested.  We should receive everything this week and I'm hoping it will be much more enjoyable than she expects.

I've also applied (10 pages!) for benefits due widows of veterans who served in a war.  If she were in a care facility, they would apply for us; but, since that isn't the case, I went ahead and applied.   That would make it more feasible to have someone like Carole on a regular basis.....again, keep your fingers crossed.

My greatest diversion continues to be the iPad.  I've discovered podcasts, which I love, and Cheryl recommended Flipbook, which is almost sensory overload.  It works so well and there is so much that can be done with it.  It makes waiting for appointments, etc. easy and entertaining......it's just amazing.  And I'm sure I've only scratched the surface.

Don't know if I've shared Margaret and Helen with you....but can't imagine that I haven't.  Anyway, Helen (from Texas) is in her 80s and is usually writing to Margaret (in Maine) about political issues, and they are my heroes!!  I want to be that crusty when I'm in my 80s, which is much closer than I like to think. Helen does most of the writing and her grandson maintains the website, which I think is sweet.....and Helen has a way with words. She lost her husband last year and was silent for a long time, but the election has brought her out again and her fans are happy to hear from her.  For those politically inclined, have a read of Two Wrongs Make A Right Wing Republican Ticket.  They're a riot....and the comments are, too.

Memories, Humor and the Other Mother.....

Since being back from NC I've been dead tired.  Last Sunday I didn't even walk.  The two days following were dark and rainy, so I had an imposed rest, which was very welcomed.  Even so, we've been on the go and it's been difficult to feel rested.

Forgot to show the invitation to the anniversary part, which I thought was very nice.

The gathering connected me with a childhood friend, who emailed a photo of our youth group.  In the last post you saw the after.  This is the before of Diana, Melba and me!  She mentioned this trip and, to be honest, I hardly remembered.  That's why I can never be accused of living in the past!

The political commentary in the last post also solicited similar responses from readers....

Well, "the other mother" has been in residence all week, so it hasn't been easy.  She's taken issue with my going out with friends, which happens no more that twice a week for a few hours.  With the exception of that time, I do all I can to be helpful to her in any way needed. I'm going to try again to get her involved with the local senior center, but at the moment she has therapy twice a week through August and that's about as much as I can handle along with everything else.  I'm also trying to get "talking books" through the state library for the blind......mostly to get equipment designed for blind and low vision people.  We got a CD player but the controls were so small that she couldn't use it, so I'm hoping their equipment will be better designed for elderly, blind, etc. 

You'll get a kick out of this.......I asked my  mother if she would feel better if I got someone to stay with her when I went out - No!
Would she be willing to go to the senior center - No!
Was there anything I could do to help her feel better - No!
I got so many "nos" to every question that I finally asked if she was a secret Republican?  To that I got a loud NO!  I have to look for humor wherever I can find it!

Anyway, this week has been very disheartening for me......I know that no matter how difficult it is for me,  it's more difficult for her and I try to keep that in mind, but it's still hard.  My friend Pamela said that I needed a break and we talked, very generally, about an overnight trip to Charleston or Savannah.  She went straight home and booked the hotel for early September.  She then emailed the info, along with a disclaimer that she really didn't want me to think she was scolding me for being attentive to my mother, but that I needed a break, too.  I know her intentions were good and I appreciate her concern, but I know one/I can only move at one's/my own pace.  I know that I have to carve out time and space for myself, but it isn't easy and it isn't eased by my mother.  But, I am planning to move ahead with the trip (two days, one night) to Charleston.  I know my mother isn't going to like it and there will be lots of drama, but if I ever want to be able to do anything, I have to go ahead and break the ice.  So, wish me luck!!

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words......

And words require too much thought!  The trips to Charleston and NC, though enjoyable, totally wiped us out.  We actually came back a day early at my mother's request because her kitty is not doing at all well.  That meant that everything was non-stop and there was little time to get anything done at her house (though I'm not sure what we would do or where we would start!).  Since being back, I can make it through half of the day, but I die the second half, walking around feeling and acting like a zombie.  Mama began physical therapy on her shoulder today, with a schedule of twice weekly; so there's no rest for the wicked/weary!







We went up to NC for Bill (my cousin) and Betty's 50th wedding anniversary.  They have been so good to keep tabs on us and offer help that we did want to celebrate that monumental accomplishment with them. It was a nice event and it was good to catch up with relatives and old friends.

Bill's sisters, the two closest to me in the photo, grew up with me......Bill was that bit older than he didn't hang around with us.  Diana, in green, was also in our group and I hadn't seen her since college. The older gentlemen beside her is their uncle (on their mother's side), who is 97 years old!!  I couldn't believe how well he looked and got around.

We came back with lots of beautiful tomatoes compliments of Laney and Julious.  So Monday we canned six pints, and they turned out nicely.  They will be the base of vegetable soup this winter.

We stopped at McLoud Farms in McBee, SC and bought peaches for a crumble.  They are sooooo good!  It tastes much better than it looks.

This is me in my nest, as I would be when I do this blog.  The reason for the picture is that all kitties are present.  Usually Mama Mia (black and while) is in "the hole", which is my room - usually the deep, dark closet of my room!  She's suddenly decided she will come out and socialize, much to the chagrin of Gabby and Chloe.

The only thing of interest I've done is participated in a 21 Day Meditation Challenge by Deepak Chopra.  It's something I've wanted to try but never really taken the time.  Well, this is all online and so easy.  Each day I get a guided meditation by email.  Each has a theme and a speaker guides you into the topic, leaving about 8-10 minutes for meditation.  The meditation time is filled with music - not the hum along kind, but the kind you can really get lost in if your eyes are closed and thoughts calmed.  We're on day ten and so far I've really enjoyed it.  It will be interesting to see what happens when there is no guidance and no music!  Stay tuned.

And now for a little humorous political commentary.....

 

Thank goodness Trump hasn't been in the news lately, but I couldn't resist this...........