That Didn't Last Long!

Well, my life of solitude and leisure lasted a week .My mother was home only a few days when her chronic bronchitis flared up.  She spent several days in bed as her cough grew progressively worse.  On Thursday I had only spoken to her an hour before when her neighbor called me to say that he had called twice and been to the door twice but could not raise her.  Though I'd just spoken to her, I had no idea whether or not she was okay.  All I could do was call her repeatedly, as fast as I could, until she finally answered.  She had taken her hearing aids out and gone to sleep!  She sounded no better and certainly didn't need to be there on her own, so off I went, arriving there around 5:30.  By 8:30 she was talking to someone in her room.......not to me or to her cats, and that really alerted me to her condition.  By 9PM we were in the Emergency Room for an assortment of tests and procedures, until 4:30AM. 

It is only then that the fun began.  With breathing treatments, antibiotics, prednisone, etc. she was totally hopped up - seeing bugs, military maneuvers happening in our yard, people breaking into our cars, women in white dresses singing, etc.  She goes non-stop until 10PM Friday night.......no sleep. no rest and hardly stopping to eat.  At one point, she was so absorbed in the hallucinations that she couldn't seem to understand what I was saying.......it was very strange and frightening for one person to manage.  Needless to say, they didn't provide me with the same juice she had!  By 10PM I was wrecked, but slept on her sofa in order to keep an eye on her. 

One very good thing happened on Friday.  Before leaving here I made an appointment with her local doctor to be sure that pneumonia had not set in.  The people in the ER suggested we keep the appointment and clue him in to what was happening with her.  They also gave us a packet of info detailing what they had done.  To this packet I attached a note asking him to talk with her about the hazards and problems of living alone at her age.....and he was WONDERFUL!!  He is very soft spoken and of Nigerian descent, with a slight accent, so she has difficult hearing/understanding him.  But, he took his time and made sure she understood what he said (as best he could as she was still disoriented).  I was very impressed and grateful to him.....and plan to send him a thank you as soon as I can.

On Saturday she was calmer but still not fully back to reality.  I asked if she remember what Dr. Obiaja had discussed with her and initially she said she didn't remember.  After recalling the discussion, she seemed to be willing to comply.  Once she mentioned to a neighbor that she would be coming back with me, I began to feel we might get through it without a fight.  I began pulling things together for her to bring down here, not really knowing what she might like, where things were......or whether it would all be for naught!!  After I got what I thought were the basics and necessities, I moved on to other things (cleaning out the fridge, taking out trash, etc), while her focus was on bringing as many clothes as she could.

She was a little more lucid on Sunday when we made the trip down here.  It was very tiring for her, but she has slowly recovered over the last few days.  She is still coughing up a huge amount of mucus and tonight took her last antibiotic.  We see the pulmonologist tomorrow and I'm hoping he can see the full extent of the problem and do something to alleviate it.  At 90, she can't go on like this much longer.

As for me, there were the usual moments of panic when I looked too far ahead.

• "How will I deal with this if she remains out of touch with reality?" 
• " How will I even be able to go grocery shopping."
• "How am I going to convince her that she can't be on her own any more?"
• "What resources are available to me in Bluffton?"
• And on and on and on.

I finally remembered to take it one step at a time, whatever is manageable.  I was also touched by the kindness of relatives and neighbors.  Dennis stopped by for a few minutes and, among other things, assured Mama that coming back with me was the best thing she could do (which I appreciated).  Her neighbor (who called me about her on Thursday) came by every day to check on her......and he looks after her house and car while she's away (which we can't impose on him to do indefinitely).  And her other neighbor Paul, who lives in DC and whom we hadn't seen in months, stopped in. By this time, as people showed up, I was exhausted, teary eyed and blubbery, but very appreciative of their thoughtfulness and caring.
 

Home Alone (Except for my Kitties)

Well, I'm home after taking my mother back to NC, against my better judgement.....but, to be perfectly honest, I need a break!  And, that's where she wants to be.  Advice on this issue is divided.....some people tell me to be "the parent" and make decisions for her.  Others tell me that she is in command of her faculties and, therefore, still in charge of her destiny.  The best result is probably someplace in between.  My wish is that she would decide to make the rest of her life easier and let me help her with that......probably not a realistic expectation!!  In any case, I hope we will both use this time to relax and refresh and that, whatever the future holds, we will handle it with more grace and care than this last episode.

I returned to my kitties, who were pretty shell shocked by the time I left for NC.  Even they seemed pretty depressed......they would sleep ALL the time, sometimes in the closet or under the bed!  The house looks like a bomb hit it, but it will have to wait until tomorrow to begin the shoveling out process.  The only thing I have had energy enough to do, thus far, has been laundry, so I did 5 loads as fast as I could....bed linens, rugs, furniture covers, clothes, etc........clean laundry was piled everywhere. It was finally put away yesterday, so things look a little better.

I got back home on Thursday and had a relaxing morning on Friday.  My first task was to take a nice, long walk.  I then showered, had lunch and went to the library to see "Inside Job".  It's been on my Netflix list forever, but I figured this my best bet to see it.  I also wanted to see whether or not many people (whom I would assume to be mostly liberals) showed up.....and, actually, the room was full.  It was very informative and downright scary, especially since not much has been done to prevent the financial disaster from happening again.......very discouraging.  Then, Saturday morning I went to the Beaufort County Democratic Convention, even putting my name forward as a delegate or alternate to the state convention.  Being a relative unknown within the party, it's doubtful that I'll make it as a delegate, but I'm hopeful to be an alternate. Deval Patrick will be the keynote speaker, and he should be motivational. Keep your fingers crossed.  So, that's why only laundry has gotten done to date......but now I have no excuses.

There were also some pleasant surprises in my waiting email.  There was a short notice invitation to meet Cheryl for lunch on Thursday when she was on her way to Camden to visit her sister and family.  Unfortunately, we missed connection because I didn't get home until 3PM, but we hope to meet up on her way home or sometime soon.  I also had an email from my new friend Pamela......the friend I met at the Rally to Restore Sanity and who shortly thereafter moved back to California.  Her mother is not doing well so she's coming back for about 6 months......and figures she will need some break time.  It will be good to look forward to socializing with a kindred spirit.  So, the future does hold some positive possibilities.

Gators, Daffodils and Mushroom Clouds.....

It's been a while since I've posted and I was enjoying a period of peace and tranquility! We did meet with Jennifer at Indigo Pines and she was very good with my mother.  She gave her the opportunity to express her concerns about relocating (mostly leaving the place she's lived all of your life, the time it will take to organize things, etc.) and Jennifer presented ways of approaching each issue.  It also gave me an opportunity to say some things (my concern for her being there on her own, her cycle of declining health when she goes home, better health care here, the fear of something happening and putting her straight into a nursing home, etc.) that needed to be expressed.  I appreciated being able to discuss everything in a calm, non-explosive setting, which was provided by the presence of Jennifer.  All seemed to be going well........

She has now done a total reversal and wants to "GO HOME AND STAY UNTIL I DIE!"  To say the situation has turned tense would be a vast understatement.  There is nothing I can say or do that isn't interpreted in the worse possible way.......and I'm just a little stink bomb in defense of her nuclear attack.  I try very hard not to be suckered into an argument, but it's soooo very hard.  On Sunday I went for a 7 mile walk to clear my head and "let it go".  Today after an explosion when I asked what was causing her cough (meaning a tickle or phlegm, because we had just seen the doctor last week and he said he'd call in an antibiotic if things didn't clear), which she took to mean 'you're irritating me, get thee out of the room'!  She unloaded on me and left the room.  Once she had time to settle down, I went in and reminded her that the whole episode was caused over that one question......I restated the question AND what I meant by the question.  I then asked her what I did to get that response.  To that there was total silence (passive aggressive).  For me, it's a lose-lose situation.....so it really doesn't much matter what I do or say, but I think I'm going to keep calling her on it until she either talks or stops doing it.......or one of us dies (of old age!)!

So, it looks like I'll be taking her home. I've contacted folks there and she should be able to get someone to help her around the house one day a week beginning mid-April.  Once I know when she can get meals-on-wheels, I'll take her up.  I don't think it's the best thing to do in many respects, but in other ways it's the only place she wants to be and the only place she'll be happy.  What we have now isn't healthy for either of us.  Even if it only lasts a short while, it will give us a break.......and perhaps a different view of things (ever the optimist!).  The longer she's away from NC, the more she idealizes it, remembering everything and everyone there as good and perfect, with none of that happening here.

A neighbor said this would be the hardest thing I would every do and, so far, she's been 100% right.

Other than that, everything's just great!!!  Today is Super Tuesday and I'm joining my Living Liberally friends this evening at the Boathouse.  Another friend, Chris, and I had a great lunch at a new wine boutique.  It's a new concept here.....you load a card with your budget for the night and you can use it at any of the many wine dispensers, getting either a taste or a glass.  It really is a clever idea and I hope it flies for the owners.  The food was good and the owners very friendly.  She asked our wine preferences and then brought us a great glass of wine to accompany our lunch.  It was a little different and fun.....and Chris and I have a lot in common and the chat was good.

Due to the circumstances, I had to cancel dinner with another friend but hope to see her tonight.  She also belongs to my vegetarian group, but I haven't made it to that in months and she's missed LL.  So, hope we can touch bases soon.  I have been trying to get out and about....to maintain some kind of life, but it isn't easy!

As you can gather from my Sunday walk, they have become almost therapeutic.  Last month I walked 80 miles and, with my 7 miler on Sunday, I could pass that mark this month.  Spring is definitely in the air and red buds, azaleas, daffodils, Chinese fringe, etc. are all in bloom. It's nice to be able to get out and enjoy it all......without humidity!

By the time you read this, Super Tuesday will be over but I wanted to pass along this "voter's guide".  Who comes up with these things??  I'd love to be this clever and this funny.  Enjoy!!

Everything from Bingo to Obamacare!!

My Facebook Photo

Life continues to be busy and, thankfully, I seem to be slowly recovering my energy.  The first part of last week was taken with getting my oldest kitty feeling better.  He had become very lethargic, seemed to have difficulty eating, and developed a limp in his hind leg.  Then on Sunday morning he had some kind of little "spasm", for lack of a better work, on the bed, after which there was a lot of licking and tongue contortions.  After a few minutes, things settled down.  Later in the day, as I was checking on him, he yawned and revealed a new snaggle-toothed look......he had lost one of his upper canine teeth!!  I immediately went to the bed and, sure enough, there was the broken tooth.  So, on Monday he was off to the vet.  She suggested giving the leg a little time to resolve itself, which is what I expected.  But, the dental problem was a bit more complicated.  He had Feline Resorptive Lesions, which I'd never heard of but is supposed to be very painful (and accounted for his difficulty eating and all the repercussions of that).  Needless to say, this involved dental work - cleaning, remainder of broken tooth removed and a molar removed - and $$$$$$$.  But, he is an absolutely precious kitty and I had to do it for him.  He was in the clinic from 8AM until around 3:30PM.  I was concerned about the anesthesia, but he got along fine.  It took about 3 days for him to be fully become himself again, but he is eating more easily and better, and the limp has gone away, too.  So, all is well at this point.

That was Monday through Wednesday.  On Thursday I had lunch with a friend, whom I hadn't seen in a while, so we had a good catch-up.  On Friday my mother went to Bingo at Indigo Pines.  Once she was settled at the Bingo table, I took my book and found a nice reading spot.  It was there that I encountered the Kissing Bandit!!  He was a 95 year old man who approached and asked if he could kiss me!!  After some insistence, I allowed him to kiss me on the cheek, thinking that would be the end of it, but no!!  Finally I just said, "No, you sit there and I'll sit here!"  He talked about his farm in Kentucky, his wife passing away, his mother dying in childbirth, and his daughter who lives in town but doesn't visit as often as he'd like - a really sweet, sad, heart-wrenching experience (except for the kissing part).  I kept wondering whether, in his earlier life, he was a warm, caring, sensitive man or just a letch......but whichever, there is a sadness about him now.

Bingo went well and she/we met more nice people.  We're meeting with Jennifer on Monday to discuss cost, availability, etc........and I'm hoping it will not be totally prohibitive. Lest things become too easy, she mentioned today that she'd like to check out the assisted living facility in NC!!  At least one part of that is good.....the assisted living part.  IP is independent living and I'm not sure my mother is able to participate as much as she thinks she can/will.  Twice recently we've gone out and had to cut it short because she was not feeling well enough to go on.  It's a fine balance between someplace that will keep her stimulated and interested when she's feeling up to it, but will look after her in those times when she isn't......without being too depressing. Think good thoughts for us.

Then, out of the blue, I received a letter from my doctor saying that she is going to a VIP/concierge/boutique kind of service to the tune of $1500 "membership fee"/year........reducing her practice from around 2000 to 500-600, with a guaranteed base income.  As much as I like her, that isn't anything I would be interested in on any level.....and I'm disappointed that she's taking that route.  When having lunch with my friend, she recommended another female doctor who happens to be right out our back gate.  So on my Thursday walk I stopped by her office and got my name on her new patient list (she will be taking new patients in May).  My neighbor (R) received the same letter from our doctor and called to say that the medical profession is likely to go in that direction because of "Obamacare".  She complained about the price of gas, the tax in the healthcare bill on the sale of homes, and our moral decline as a nation, all of which seems to fall at the feet of President Obama.  You can imagine how that went over! We had discussed the real estate tax associated with the healthcare plan a long time ago, but she assured me that this was something different.  From the best I could gather online, it was the same old, tired scare-tactic email that went around early on.  I forwarded her the links to the info I found and asked her to send any information she might find to verify her information.  Haven't heard from her since.....

"Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts."   --Daniel Patrick Moynihan 

Other than that, I've re-done the finish on my kitchen table top.  Rather than putting a polyurethane finish on it, I sanded the spots that needed it and used Restorit, an oil based product.  I think it needs a second coat, but I'm pleased with the results thus far.  I've also looked high and low for a bathroom carpet (which needs to be long and narrow) - bringing them home and taking them back!!  Finally I went to Home Depot and had a 12 foot wide carpet cut  to the width of the bathroom.  In a stroke of luck, the guy who helped me was a personable, helpful kind of person.  He happened to mentioned that "of course" I knew that it was easier to cut the carpet  from the back  than the front.  Well, I didn't know that, but it turned out to be the single bit of information that made the whole process fast and easy.  I rolled the carpet from the door to the end of the bathroom, folded it over and cut it to shape to the doorway and vanity at the other end.  I had thought of that option as the last resort because I didn't think I could cut it and have it look nice - and I probably could not have had I not run into the right person at the right time.  Many thanks for small blessings!

Busy, Busy, Busy.....

Today is a lazy day as the activity of the past week or two has come to roost and we both hit a low.  The only thing I can say is that I'm glad we both hit bottom at the same time so we can (both) enjoy a day of rest.

My cousin Dennis called over the weekend and asked if he, his wife and their two grandkids could stop by on their way to Florida.  Since they are among the few relatives who make an effort to visit, I happily agreed.  We already had plans to visit Indigo Pines, so with those two events scheduled and the preparation involved, it was a pretty full week.

Tuesday was Indigo Pines. We were invited for lunch on Valentine's Day and were seated with three delightful ladies.  They said all the right things - confirming that it was difficult to leave their longtime home (but this lifestyle offered definite advantages), they had lived their lives and their children should be able to live theirs (Amen!), everything wasn't perfect there, but it was darn close (and much of it is what you make of it).......a really great group of ladies.  My mother thoroughly enjoyed it and said it was a shame we hadn't brought the camera since the dining room was so nicely decorate.  We left with carnations, chocolates and a pillow project for my mother!  Even so, it's a huge jump to making that decision to leave her home and move to a community like that.......but I hope it gives her something to think about.  We also spoke to the man about the Aid & Attendance Benefits.  He feels that she should have no problem qualifying but, if she remains at home, the amount will be less and we will have to do the paperwork ourselves.  If she moves to a facility like Indigo Pines, he will assist with the paperwork and the amount is likely to be more since her expenses will be more.  That was pretty much what I expected, but it did get her back to IP again!  She was also invited to play Bingo this afternoon but was wiped out after our company, so we cancelled.....but hope to do something next week.  My plan is to get her there and situated, go do something on my own, and pick her up when it's over so she has some time there without me.  We'll see how that goes.

As an aside, on our first visit to Indigo Pines we were greeted by "Jennifer".  The  minute I saw her, I recognized her but couldn't place her.  I asked her last name and I immediately remembered her from my time at Beth Yam (when she was in high school). She's recently moved back to the area and is on the sales staff at IP.......a very professional and pleasant young lady.

One of many ways to waste time on the computer!!

While we were out on Tuesday, we stopped by Sam's and did grocery shopping.  Wednesday was cooking and cleaning day.  Thursday we finished the cleaning and also had a slight emergency eye appointment for my mother.  She mentioned that she was having a strange sensation in her good eye - little circles (occurring since the night before) that were moving around the edge of her range of vision.  As it turned out, it was a spasm of some kind and no real problem, but I didn't want it to develop into anything over the weekend, etc.  So in the middle of everything, we stopped for the appointment and got home about an hour before Dennis, Carol and the girls arrived.  Dennis had a cold and didn't last long, but Carol brought The Help DVD, which we watched after dinner.  I'd read the book but enjoyed the movie equally.  It was also nice to see Abby and Caroline again.  They are full of energy but very well behaved for kids their age.  A good time was had by all.  They left around 9:30 this morning and we've been on light duty since.

Happy Valentine's Day

 

Hope to update soon, though not a lot to report.  I was just thinking of friends, near and far, and wanted to send warm wishes for Valentine's Day.